Like the sun through the trees you came to love me, like a leaf on a breeze you blew away (Justin Hayward)

Joan and Gregarious

Wie geht's?

Sadly, the three amigos (that's me plus long-standing mates - Kev and Greg) have come to the end of an era with last week's passing of Joan Knowles, aged 101.

When Greg and I were at Mt. Albert Grammar in the mid-seventies, we would often visit each other's houses. Conveniently close to town, his home was in Shackleton Rd, Mt Eden, and mine was up Dominion Rd. to Ramelton Rd in Mt. Roskill South. The purpose was often to listen to loud rock music or a Friday night stop-off on the way home from record buying adventures. Joan and Harry Knowles and Graham and Dulcie Purdy put up with a lot!

Top left, bottom right

I loved visiting Shackleton Rd. because Joan was always very welcoming, and tolerant. It was a warm, cozy, happy place to visit. She definitely made me feel special and that's a great personality trait to have.  

Greg's loss means that all three of us (plus our siblings) are on our own now, as our parents have all pre-deceased us. It's a sobering feeling, being an orphan.

Last year we created a playlist called WTWMC - Loved Ones that celebrated our parents and our spouses with a selection of 15 songs per loved one that we thought reflected each of their musical tastes. 

Because of Joan's passing, I've been listening to it again. It's a very poignant, but, ultimately, joyous experience. I find it particularly uplifting because it was made with love for our loved ones. 

Given the age range from spouses to parents of around 40 years, the styles and genres of music vary tremendously, so it's fun to have it on shuffle and work out which loved one the song is for.

It was a labour of love that I will listen to again and again to remind myself of our key origins.

Love and peace - Wozza

It couldn't fit more perfectly, than to have a world party on the day you came to be (Stevie Wonder)

Wie geht's?

September is a biggie for whanau birthdays.

• 2nd - Poppy Mae Purdy (turned 3)
• 3rd - Ivy Dulcie Fenn (turns 1)
• 18th - Greg Knowles (I lost count - too many candles)
• 24th - Michelle O'Neill (a spry spring chicken)

Most of that list (except for Ma Belle) are Virgos. Characters known for their good looks, meticulousness, analytical thinking, fine taste in music, and practicality. 

They are often conscientious, reliable, and attentive to detail, thriving in organised environments (Adam/Ashleigh and Jade/Chris take a bow). 

Early September Virgos (Popstar and Ivy) are highly perfectionistic and methodical, while later September Virgos (GK) are more flexible and individualistic. Yep.

So, a big happy birthday to all the September babies!

Love and peace - Papa/El Prez/Wozza

Well, I tumble outta bed and stumble to the kitchen, pour myself a cup of ambition (Dolly Parton)

Wie geht's?

In her lifetime, Dolly Parton sold a lot of records and to a wide range of folks. Yes, even to me*, someone whose country corner of the collection is quite small. There wouldn't be too many people without any knowledge of her music or films, or presence. She touched a lot of lives in a positive way.

She was larger than life as something about her personality meant she appealed to millions of people from all walks of life.  

Even though she clearly and outrageously embraced flamboyance, artifice and excess, her core personality - honesty, integrity, loyalty, shone forth. That's some trick.

The TV One network news started their daily bulletin with a 15-minute tribute that included live reporting. Extraordinary.

R.I.P. Dolly Rebecca Parton.

Love and peace - Wozza

*Back in the day I bought a copy of Nine to Five on 45rpm.

I can't tell you how much I would like to step into that view (Bill Bryson)

Kindred Spirits - Asher Brown Durand

Wie geht's?

Bill Bryson's two books A Walk in the Woods and Down Under were published together in an omnibus edition called Walkabout. I have read a few of his books before, but not these two, so I gobbled up this edition for a dollar during a closing down sale of a local second hand bookstore in Waipukerau.

The Appalachian Trail (AT) is the focus of his Walk in the Woods. During which he writes effusively about the Kindred Spirits painting - which is a heavily idealised view of the woods. The reality of the woods is a different matter.

The description of his walks along part of the AT is a pretty honest one. BB doesn't skimp on the hardships and misery involved at times on the journey, while there is also a wide-eyed euphoric appreciation of the impressive views.

As I read, I couldn't help thinking about my excursion up Mt Tamalpais with Mike Rowbottam and dreams of walking the Camino. 

Hiking along mountain trails, through dense woods, and staying in miserable conditions in cabins with strangers is not my thing. But walking is.

It's interesting reading the book alongside Gary Snyder's The Practice of the Wild. In his essay The Etiquette of Freedom he writes about walking:

Walking is the great adventure, the first mediation, a practice of heartiness and soul primary to humankind. Walking is the exact balance of spirit and humility.

I'm sure BB would concur.

Back to Synder - Human beings are audacious. They set out to have adventures and try to do more than perhaps they should.

Hence my quest to walk the Camino at some point in the next ten years. It would be audacious but worthwhile in terms of a learning experience.

Snyder again - Some of us have learned much from travelling day after day on foot over snowfields, rockslides, passes, torrents, and valley floor forests, "putting ourselves out there".

I'm halfway through A Walk in the Woods, and BB has yet to share revelations about what he's learned about himself. As I read on, I'll be looking out for some specific reference to that.

Love and peace - Wozza

I'm a man of contradictions, I'm a man of many moods, I contain multitudes (Bob Dylan and Walt Whitman)

Wie geht's?

The final edition of my self-assessment series is a response to the existential question - who are you, really?

The simplest, most profound, and hardest to answer question of all.

A while ago, my eldest son asked me this very question. At the time it kind of broadsided me, and then resulted in some ongoing deep level consideration of my core being.

Like Uncle Walt and everyone else, I contain multitudes, and like Bob, I'm a man of contradictions.

Blithely, I could fob myself off with my usual WYSIWYG response but I sense that will not satisfy my needs.

Since 2008, the blogosphere has read and studied me via my blog entries but I obviously self-censor these things as a matter of self-preservation. My students are among those who love to read my musing after all.

So, by necessity, I need to tip toe through this answer, while remaining true to myself, and you, dear reader.

The problem is - which me do I consider? Young me, early fatherhood me, middle aged me, or me now? Like all of us, I have physically changed, grown up, developed my thinking, experienced a wealth of things, failed lots, been shit canned, gone sideways, backwards and promoted many times.

The answer is obvious - I talk about the current me - the be-here-now me.

Enough preamble; here goes:

At my core I have key values that I hold myself accountable to; the key one being integrity. This is a value often used in schools in a superficial way, but I hold myself to account a lot - on a daily, hourly basis (yes - teaching is a great testing ground for what is right and wrong). Teaching involves hundreds of micro decisions a day. Integrity is key.

A Year 13 student this morning (as I type this) asked me if she could go and make some toast in the Year 13 common room - she was hungry.  I was pleased she asked and she understood when I said - sorry, no. But she wasn't done. She reminded me that I have a thing called Milo Friday where the class can grab a milo and come back for a more relaxed end of the week class. This isn't Friday though, and even then toast isn't on the menu. Eating in class, as a school rule, is a no no, which she knows, so she countered with, I could eat it outside the classroom. Again, sorry - no.

That ended the 'discussion' which involved me considering my own Pirate Code. The first 'guideline' being - Do the right thing, now. If I'd said, yes - go ahead, make some toast, I would have opened a portal to future pain and I would consciously have gone against the spirit of the school rule. Nuances. The right thing to do was to say again, sorry - no.

Consistency is important to me and sometimes it can be testing. What you do for one you do for all was a motto at my last school. Much earlier, my father had instilled that idea/ model in me and that informed how I treated our four children. Did/do I always get it right? Probably not, but that was the aim.

Another aim was/is not to be hypercritical. I don't think getting drunk is a good idea (I've never been drunk). I don't think smoking is a good idea (I've never smoked anything). I don't think tattoos are a good idea (I'm the only person in my family without one). If other people choose to do those things that's nothing to do with me - it's just not for me (we can only exercise control over ourselves).

That all probably makes me sound conservative and boring and narrow minded. Sure, at times I am guilty as charged. At others I can be liberal, daring in pursuit of goals, and open minded - they also go towards the real me. I'm a man of contradictions.

What influences the other multitudes also makes me unique. Things like: my Anglican faith (I was baptised and confirmed in the Anglican church); my interest in sport, literature, quotes, and mass media (music, film, blogging); experiences from living in different countries (China, Qatar, the UAE, England, New Zealand); being a Kiwi; my philosophical perspectives - a melting pot of faiths/ideas from Buddhism, stoicism, Christianity; my relationships with friends and family (I am thankful for all of them); my memories; my lack of an existential crisis (I know who I am and what I stand for); and my purpose in life (I am very clear on that as readers of Baggy Trousers can appreciate).

That will do it for now. I know I have more to say on this topic. This is not the definitive word. I remain a work in progress. I wrote an autobiography in my thirties and updated it for my blog a few years ago. I'm not done yet.

Love and peace - WNP

I don't wanna sit around, walk around today. I'd much rather levitate (Kurt Vile)

Wie geht's?

Part 5 in Ryan Holiday's provoked self-assessment series asked the fundamental questions: How does your mind work? Why does it work that way?

That took some thinking about (the self-examined life's not easy remember). That wasn't meant to be a smart alecky comment, instead it points to how my mind works.

I can still remember a moment of crystal-clear clarity as I walked home from a late lecture on Chaucer at Auckland University in my early twenties. I looked at the trees in Albert Park and I had a bullet-to-the-head revelation - I could see things distinctly for the first time.

My teenage boy fog had finally lifted, and I could see clearly now. It pointed to how my consciousness had bloomed at University and I found I could now reflect in a deep and sustained way.

I have always had the ability to focus intently on something. In the early days it was a book, or a TV programme, or while I was playing football. Mum would often say the house could be burning down around me and I wouldn't notice.

I'm still like that - ask my students or Jacky. I really really really block out things when I'm concentrating intently. When they break into that concentration, I can get quite frustrated. Why can't they see that I'm deep into it? That kind of frustration. I do get that I could be the only person alive with this ability (and there it is - my sarcasm).

I've strayed into personal qualities a tad but that's also how my mind works at times. It's why I love the Seinfeld eye roll so much. It also points to my refusal to take things too seriously - there's always a (sometimes inappropriate) laugh bubbling away under the surface.

I've digressed. My brain/mind is heavily biased toward language and communication. That's why I need this blogging business; that's why I'm an English teacher (the perfect job for me); that's why I can't live without music.

Why does it work that way? Obviously, my mother and father can take a large dollop of credit for that. After all - they made me. 

[My sometimes smart alecky approach is mine alone, as are my many other faults].

My father and I were very different people. I do not have his scientific mind (Ross is a clone), but I do share his analytical approach, his slight aloofness, and some of his social awkwardness (my struggle with phatic communion). 

From my mother I inherited her openness, her passion for things, her sense of humour, her love of communication (although, unlike me, she could talk on the phone for hours).

In the past I've failed to see my father in me, but I now recognise how much I am a composite of them both.

I realise I've only just scratched the surface of these two Ryan Holiday questions, but they are things I'll continue to chew over in my mind. Ha ha!

Love and peace - Wozza

You often meet your fate on the road you take to avoid it (Goldie Hawn)

Photo by WONSUNG JANG on Unsplash

Wie geht's?

Growing older has its benefits.

Ryan Holiday (who is 39) is one who has acknowledged the positive changes that come with greater maturity: One thing I've noticed? I am calmer. I am quieter. I argue less. I get upset less. I admit I am wrong more often. 

This is wisdom, Epictetus said. Getting in fewer fights, letting more things go, focusing more on what you control. A smooth flow of life.

That's all groovy and all when you're under 40, until time flies and you become completely reliant on a caring helping hand to get through the day and night.

Recently, I visited some aged care facilities (not for me, I hasten to add) and I do not want to be someone who is wheeled into a dining hall in a recliner chair for lunch, thank you very much.

It's a bugger getting old.

Love and peace - Wozza