We're related to each other in ways we never fully understand, maybe hardly understand at all (Robert M. Pirsig)

Wie geht's?

Fathers' Day was on Sunday, and very appropriately, I finished my fifth reading of Zen And The Art Of Motorcycle Maintenance then. Part of the story traces the relationship between Chris and his dad (the narrator).

Stories about fathers and sons fascinate a lot of people, and I think the reason is largely because we can't fathom our fathers. No matter how hard we try.

As Robert M. Pirsig says, "We're related to each other in ways we never fully understand, maybe hardly understand at all".

We're always from different generations, we've not yet fathers ourselves and then we have our own sons and they struggle in the same ways. And so it goes on.

Certainly Chris fails to understand his father in ZMM. 

I sometimes got a glimpse of understanding from my dad but it was a struggle most of the time. While quite effusive with Jacky and my children, he was more guarded with me, or at least I sometimes felt that way. I know he was proud of me because other people told me he was but he seemed to struggle letting me know it.

Only three times did he let his guard down completely with me. Once when, as a preteen, I criticised his mother, then right after my mother passed away in 1983, and when he was about to in 2009.

During his few days I sat beside his bed and listened to him open up and tell me how things were between us (during which he stunned me somewhat by saying what a wonderful son I'd been).

At the time, he quoted the Masonic prayer and a section from Philippians. I knew my dad had spiritual values because of his Masonic background but we were never church goers as a family. It was a surprise to me, when we had to clean out his unit afterwards and I found a new Bible beside his bed that he clearly read a lot. It's beside my bed now.

Anyway, I wrote down in my copy of ZMM the bit he told me from Philippians 4.8-9, where Paul is encouraging the Lord's followers:

Finally, my friends, keep your minds on whatever is true, pure, right, holy, friendly and proper. Don't ever stop thinking about what is truly worthwhile and worthy of praise. You know the teachings I gave you, and you know what you heard me say and saw me do. So follow my example. And God, who gives peace, will be with you.

That kind of sums up things for me in many ways: being a father is about setting out values and examples and a way of living for your own children. 

I also loved the section in ZMM where he quotes a section from the Iliad. Hector says of his son:

...may they say, as he returns from war, "He is far better than his father".

There is that feeling with fathers that, not only are we replaced by our children, but that we place in them hope and trust, that they will be better than us.

Jade gave me a lovely card for Fathers' Day and she tells me in her message that I set the bar for being a good father. 

That was a great compliment. Even so, I haven't always cleared that bar but I've done my best and so I should. It's a huge role, a huge job, a huge responsibility and, although I haven't always got it right, I want to, and that's the key really.

I want to be a better dad, and I'll keep aiming to fulfil that verse in Philippians for my children.

It's a lofty goal.

Love and peace - WNP.