Monday, April 28, 2014

Sail away with me honey, I put my heart in your hands (David Gray)

John Lennon got it right - all you need is love.

Except it's not that simple is it. That was a statement rather than a question.

It's a start and without it you can't build something that lasts but I'm not that naive. Okay - I am, but still...

I look at that picture on my last post and can't help thinking about those two characters who pledged their lives to each other (I take those vows VERY seriously). I look at that photo of my mum and dad on their wedding day April 18 1953 from the post before that and can't help thinking about them as well.

As George Costanza knows a good relationship needs a good meeting story. 

My father was a young gun pharmacist working at 171 Queen St (Eccles Pharmacy) and my mother was working at 192 Queen St (Lewis Eady's record department). He would visit the store looking for jazz records and bringing her some perfume of his own concoction to sweeten the deal. 

He got the brush off but he never gave up. They were so different, from different social backgrounds, with different interests.

My mother recognised this and tried hard to shake him off but he was persistent, my father, and, according to my mother, he gradually wore down her resistance. 

By a complete fluke of timing and location they had met and eventually one thing lead to another (wedding, children, life together, illness, death). As it does.

Me, Deedoo, Grandma, my brother Ross.
Prior to this my father came about because somehow my grandfather saw something in Christina Holden.

Unbelievable. There must have been something there that Harry found wondrous but I could never figure out my grandmother. She always seemed old (Harry - Deedoo, was never that) and unknowable. I only once saw her being compassionate and it seemed so out of context it lodged itself firmly into my memory.

Stop me if I've told you this before - we were having Christmas dinner at their place - Reimers Ave, Mt Eden and a women walked in the front door - she was clearly disoriented - turned out she had wandered out of a nearby nursing home. My grandmother was quick to be supportive and understanding. Shocked the hell out of me!

Ma, Ross and our mum - Dulcie Mary Purdy
My other grandma - Ma - was the complete opposite: gentle, always compassionate, loving - things she passed on to her daughter (my mum). How she ended up with her husband Henry is a life mystery too. 

He left her as soon as my mother was born (their fourth child) for another woman. We never met him. Why would we? He was only ever referred to by the grownups as a negative presence but...she had fallen for him. They had had three boys before Dulcie. They had had a life together in Taumaranui. After he ditched Lucy gathered up the Adsett family and moved to Auckland. Mum attended Cornwall Park School. My father had also moved around with his parents work but they also settled in Auckland where he attended Mt Albert Grammar.

Mum had a variety of jobs after leaving school and was happy at Lewis Eady's. Dad had become a pharmacist and was happy at Eccles Pharmacy. A fluke set of occurrences and then BAM!! I arrive on planet Earth.

All this got me thinking. What leads people to find each other and then stay together?

What is love? is the most popular search on Google (according to The Guardian). Here are some thoughts from different points of view:

Love is chemistry in true love, or attachment and bonding, the brain can release a whole set of chemicals: pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin. However, from an evolutionary perspective, love can be viewed as a survival tool – a mechanism we have evolved to promote long-term relationships, mutual defence and parental support of children and to promote feelings of safety and security. 

Mature love develops over a long period of time between long-term couples and involves actively practising goodwill, commitment, compromise and understanding. I have no doubt that my parents were faithful to each during their thirty year marriage.  

At its best, however, all love is a kind a passionate commitment that we nurture and develop, even though it usually arrives in our lives unbidden. That's why it is more than just a powerful feeling. Without the commitment, it is mere infatuation. Without the passion, it is mere dedication. Without nurturing, even the best can wither and die. 

The paradox of love is that it is supremely free yet attaches us with bonds stronger than death. It cannot be bought or sold; there is nothing it cannot face; love is life's greatest blessing.

Me? I'm just out to find a better part of me. Being around SWMBO helps me on that pathway. I've put my heart in her hands.

Love and peace - Wozza

P.S. This post inspired by some questions Jade fired at me today and questions we fired at her about her new young man!


John Jardine said...

My Father, Jim Jardine, owned Eccles from about1928 till retirement 1970s.

Wozza said...

That's awesome John - thanks for the comment. I guess you were doing a Google search on Eccles Pharmacy and my post came up!

I also guess you could make a strong case that without your dad hiring my dad I wouldn't be writing this comment back to you. So - thanks Jim!

Funny old world innit!