There are places I remember (The Beatles)

Wie geht's?

Jacky and I travelled to and from New Plymouth on the weekend to be with family.

Visiting Pat - the Bulman/Dooley family matriarch, was the central part of the mission and I was again amazed at the detailed long-term memory that old folks possess. Her memory of events that happened almost 80 years ago is prodigious.

Incredibly, Pat was talking about events that happened when she was four and six years old. 

As she told them to us*, both stories were interesting in themselves and were telling as to how they shaped her personality.

These two stories cast her older sister Margaret as both hero and rebel co-conspirator (eldest sister, Bonnie, was ten years older than Pat and didn't feature in these stories).

As a six-year-old, she and Margaret stole eggs and salt and went for an extra-curricular picnic on what sounded like an island. There was inevitable trouble waiting for them when they returned but the idle moment of idyll was clearly in her mind as we visited. 

The mattress story is the one that has stayed with me more.

When Pat was four years old, her parents' break-up led to her being sent to join her sisters at a boarding school in Invercargill.

For Pat, the nuns at the school are still authoritarian figures, wielding great power, and, although Pat says she was treated well, she quickly got a lesson in how unreasonable they could be in their requests. 

Pat is told to turn her dormitory mattress regularly, but she's four and the mattress is exceedingly heavy and cumbersome. She can't do it. So, Margaret comes to her rescue and is caught by the nuns helping Pat turn the mattress.

Instead of praise, Margaret gets the strap on her hands. The injustice of that moment (and others) burns in Pat, and I can only presume, in Margaret as well. 

I'm no shrink, but I can see how Pat's feelings and suspicions about parental, religious, medical authority; justice; the presence and absence of heroes (Margaret and Bonnie both died some years ago) can each be traced to events like this. 

Her current feelings around ageism, doctors in authority, inconsistent information, being told what to do and how to do it, the government, banks, and so on, seem like an extension of the four-year-old Pat.

It was a privilege to hear her detail those accounts, and I'm sure they sprang to mind because of her current interactions, frustrations, and situation.

I take my hat off to her.

I struggle to remember anything before I was 10 years old with any precise detail, Instead, I have vague memories tied to reading books, first day at Royal Oak Primary School, playing sport, watching films, Christmas and birthday celebrations and family holidays but not much where I can delve into events with great detail. 

The one exception, so far, would be watching The Beatles on The Ed Sullivan Show in our lounge at 18 Korma Ave. I remember everything about the experience - how I was sitting, what the television looked like and so on.

Maybe other clear memories like that will miraculously come to mind in my eighties.

Love and peace - Wozza

* BTW - the 'us' was Jacky, her sister - Michelle, her husband - Gavin, and me. In a brilliant piece of mental shorthand, Pat introduced us to the nurse in the following way:

Michelle - law; Jacky - medical; Gavin - engineer; me - brains. Smiley face. 

I'm sure I heard his echo in my baby's new born tears (Mike and The Mechanics)

Yes - that's me -on the right - a day after Keegan arrived,
and then, on the left, a year later. 

Wie geht's?

Adam is about to become a father for the first time and he's commissioned me to write about what he's in for when his daughter arrives.

So, for Adam and everyone else in the blogosphere who is about to become a father for the first time - here goes with 10 things I wish I'd known before I became a father.

BTW - that was a while ago, Keegan was born in December 1984, so my memory will need to be exercised here.

1. First thing is - I wish I'd known how overwhelmed I'd feel watching Jacky giving birth. I guess most new dads weep with joy when their baby arrives but I was unprepared for how I'd suddenly feel different about my entire life. I immediately understood my own dad a whole heap more. It wasn't a gradual thing, it was a sudden realization as I cradled Keegan in my arms in his first few hours while Jacky rested. I got a palpable sense of life's true importance and I understood in that moment that life had changed forever. It didn't seem like such a big deal before that moment. Now I got it. I'm sure you'll know what I mean when it happens for you Adam.
2. I wish I'd known how inept I'd feel in the first few days of getting Keegan home. I'd creep into his room through the night and listen to him breathing while holding my own breath and worrying about him getting his next breath. It's a strange sensation - listening to your new baby's breathing and worrying for him. That's never really gone away. 
3. I wish I'd known that I was going to make a whole heap of mistakes with our first child. I (we) learned quickly but the first born gets the real rookie parent deal. I'd have been a bit more relaxed if I'd known that - I would have leaned into parenting a bit more. By the time Adam emerged (still a great deal of crying accompanied his birth) I was able to be a bit more relaxed as a dad. 
4. I wish someone had told me to put my records away more securely, so that Keegan didn't use them as skateboards. We put hooks on kitchen cupboards but I forgot about my record shelves to my cost (literally).
5. I wish I'd known about the new expectations on me to be a practical dad. Jacky was great - for someone who didn't think she was all that maternal she certainly seemed to be a natural when the time came. She trained me well and set a template that would last through the next three children. During the night, I became tuned into the children's individual cries (Jacky never heard them - apparently), starting with Keegan - I'd get up, change his nappies, bring him to Jacky for feeding, then go back to sleep as she put him back in his cot. We became a tight team. I became adept to seeing what needed doing and helped out (no vacuuming - that was clearly a JFP controlled event) but washing and attending to clothes was now in my wheelhouse. Sharing baby duties (changing, feeding, bathing etc) became a thing.
6. Something I learned quickly - don't put your fingers down the back of a nappy to check if there is a package involved.
7. We learned with each successive baby that you don't actually need half the baby stuff that you're led to believe is necessary. First baby though - we got caught in that trap of buying an excessive amount of baby stuff.
8. I learned quickly that it didn't matter what I did at work during the day, that was all forgotten when I got home at night and the day started again with dad stuff. I quickly realized I had to plan lessons and mark student work before I got home or on Sundays because dad stuff didn't include that when I got home.
9. I wish I'd realized that cloth nappies where a terrible idea (I don't believe they exist now) - instead, I wish I'd been less environmentally friendly and gone for disposables. Sorry - but parental sanity is a valuable commodity. Cleaning a pile of stinky nappies is no picnic. So, my advice here is to go with what you need to do.
10. Finally, one that I didn't see coming, but I adjusted to quickly, was the change in the pecking order with my spouse. If you are selfish, you may struggle to make the adjustment. From the birth onwards it's not about the father, and that change from a co-star to a supporting role may come as a shock to dads. During birth, quite rightly, the mother and baby are in the limelight and that continues when you get over the rosie glow and head home to a new reality of hard slog and worry. Eventually the pecking order blurs and no longer is even a thing - instead it's a new team and that's great!

There you go Adam. I hope that helps and is what you were after. Sing out if not and I'll aim to oblige.

Love and peace - dad

May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift (Bob Dylan)

Wie geht's?

I'm straying into Baggy Trousers territory for this post. Why? Just because.

I'm fresh from reading a post by Dan Rockwell (yes, that is his name - cool huh!), a.k.a. Leadership Freak.

In it he posed this as a question (as a predictor about how someone would lead):

“If you had to work for a leader who was outstanding in five of the following character traits, what are the top five traits you would pick?

1. Creative
2. Curious
3. Driven for results
4. Organized
5. Kind
6. Humorous
7. Dedicated
8. Relationship oriented
9. Fair
10. Fun
11. Humble
12. Bold
13. Decisive
14. Loves learning
15. Perseverance
16. Forgiving
17. High energy
18. Honest
19. Stands up for their team
20. Develops people

All of those are important traits but I'm only allowed five. So, I'd go for:

• Kind (I prefer that they have a moral compass)
• Honest (integrity is key)
• Develops people (being self-less)
• Fun (I figure if they are fun they also have a good sense of humour)
• Relationship oriented (high emotional intelligence is required)

It's a great question and I can see myself in those traits (in that, it's how I aim to lead). 

Have a go yourself. It's an interesting exercise.

Love and peace - WNP

Hope we grow old, but we never grow up (Niall Horan)

Wie geht's?

Had a wee shock this morning when I was called to the phone at school. A guy was on the other end of the phone who said he knew me when we were kids, when I lived in Korma Ave!

Turns out he was right. He (let's call him John) told me that he decided to make contact with me after watching a western on TV - a film that reminded him of a birthday party he attended as a youngster. The birthday was mine. 

As long time readers know, my mother marked our birthdays (Ross and me) by taking us to a movie with some of our friends. His memory was triggered and he remembered me and my mum.

As John was a fellow student at Royal Oak primary, and therefore a friend (basically, at that age, everyone at primary school is your friend), I asked him and couple of others to my party/film event.

I'm not sure which exact birthday it was, but by process of elimination it's either 1966 or 1968 (before '66 and '67 were Disney movies). In 1966 we (mum, Ross and some friends) went to see El Dorado, in '68 it was probably Villa Rides, Bandolero, or The Scalphunters (we saw all three throughout that yesr).

I would plump for 1966 - we were 9 years old, because I am pretty sure the 1968 films were just me, mum and Ross.

The thing that got me was the link back to mum. John distinctly members my mum organizing the birthday party and film treat (more evidence that it was 1966 as I would have outgrown parties as an eleven year old I feel). That's really cool!

And amazing. It was 57 years ago for Pete's sake!

Love and peace - WNP

By golly it's clean clear to Flag Town, c'mon (C W McCall)

Photo by Nigel Tadyanehondo on Unsplash

Wie geht's?

Sometimes the little niceties in life may a big difference.

One of my little sayings while driving is, 'there's always another truck on the highway'.

This morning I had two to pass on State Highway 50.

Each truck driver made it safe, and easy for me by signaling when it was safe to pass. I did my double toot as I passed as a 'thank you', and they tooted back a 'you're welcome'.

See - there are helpful, nice people in the world with some care and compassion to help an anonymous driver on his commute.

It's nice to let them know that.

Love and peace - Wozza

I'm walking on air (Robyn Hitchcock)

Wie geht's?

I love my friends. Catching up with them bookended a working trip to Auckland and the northern provinces at the end of the week.

Two of my closest friends and I are united by a shared sense of humour and connection. 

When I mentioned I was reading Bob Mortimer's book, they immediately quoted back to me stories from Would I lie To You! We laughed again about some of Bob's true tales without any further explanation.

When I mentioned it to a few other friends they didn't immediately tune in to his Bobness.

So for them and as both a primer and a celebration of Bob Mortimer, check out the following from Would I Lie To You. 

By the way, if you don't cry with laughter during the owl story you have no sense of humour. Just sayin'.

Love and peace - Wozza