Since I been loving you I'm about to lose my worried mind (Led Zeppelin)

When I think back to the stuff I used to eat I shudder. It's not that long ago mind, about five weeks, so it's a fresh memory.

About five weeks ago I decided to lose some weight. I weighed in at 83 kg at the doctors during a check up and my BMI indicated I was overweight. 

When I got home I worked out what I needed to do to get back to the okay weight; the answer was - lose at least 5 kg.

So I decided to cut out all junk, eat three meals a day but nothing around those meals. I've been a grazer all my adult life (ha ha ha - how we kid ourselves!) okay - all my life, so this was a tough decision. I am blessed with a strong mental fortitude though, so I went cold turkey.

I decided to cut out sugary drinks as much as I could as well, replacing them with Coke Zero and water. With autumn and the end of daylight saving we started having dinner around 5 to 5.30 pm. I kept my gluten free stuff going but only in terms of cereals and bread. I cut out all the Gluten free snacks that are chock full of sugar and fats.

I also decided to up the activity - walking at lunchtime is about all my 57 year old knees can stand but at least it's something.

No wonder I lost 3 kg pretty quickly, in two weeks, via the first thing - no junk. That meant no chips, no chocolate, no biscuits or cakes, no Snickers bars. No Coca-Cola. No beer.

I knew it would work. When we lived in Al Ain that was pretty much my diet when I was forced to cut out all that stuff and I lost weight quickly there.

In the old days I would have had peanut butter and jam sandwiches on white bread followed by large slices of cake, washed down with a large Coke. Now I have a no added salt/sugar peanut butter sandwich on gluten free seed bread with a Coke Life (introduced in NZ in April this year and tastes way better than Zero). I would have sneered at that this time last year - now it's just normal.

I read an article about weight loss and it suggested that the craving for the bad elements of an old diet take about 18 days to subside. That was about right in my case.

Although those last two Kg proved to be pesky my weight is now down to 78 Kg.

Clearly, I need to maintain the regime to keep Mr Overweight from returning. I'm celebrating but I'm aware I am right on the cusp. 

Yes SWMBO, a few more Kg...

Mind over matter!

Love and peace - Wozza

Well, lookabell, lookabell, lookabell, lookabell - Oooooh Weeeeee (Jackie Wilson and, a bit later, Dinah Lee)

Regular readers will remember two stories about buying a watch and buying a heater in the middle east. Both sounded like episodes from Seinfeld at the time. Well here's another one.

This is the story of the cardigan.

Be prepared for bewilderment, tears, angst, condemnation, and redemption (I hope).

Bits you need to know first: I wear suit pants to work. Sometimes I wear a full suit. 

Why? 

Well since 2000 I've been in situations where this has been a requirement of my (senior management) position in a school. It was also a uniform requirement when I worked in the Middle East.

Last year, when I returned to middle management at Woodford House, I sometimes wore a black cardigan that I'd bought in the Middle East. This was as an alternative to a suit jacket. 

Because of my, now long established, habit of wearing suits, I don't like jerseys over shirt and tie. Feels off for some reason.

Upshot was the black cardigan got a lot of wear in the winter of 2013.

A few weeks ago SWMBO and I were in Palmerston North meeting Jade.

We arrived early and while we were waiting to have lunch with her SWMBO asked if I needed anything clothes wise.

Another thing you need to know about me - like many blokes, I hate clothes shopping with a passion. SWMBO knows this, so from time to time I arrive home to find a new business shirt, a new jersey, or...ahem...smaller items laid out on the bed for me to try on.

So when she said, "Anything you need?", and we had time to kill, I knew I was sunk. "Um", I said, "I wouldn't mind an alternative cardigan - I wear the black one a lot". 

Fatal!

What was I thinking?

It meant we now had to visit every men's clothing outlet in Palmerston North in an illusive search for a snow leopa...sorry - dressy cardigan to go with my suit pants.

We ended up in Farmers. Weary and dulled into submission I tried on a variety of things and ultimately opted for, I thought, a smart grey cardigan. SWMBO assuring me, btw, that it would be fine for work. Yes, she did!

Forward to Monday this week - first day of term 2.

Final thing you need to know - I work in an all girls' school and the staff are overwhelmingly female (I am one of five blokes on the teaching staff). 

Not only that - they are an especially fashion conscious bunch.

So, I'm at my work station in the staff room - waiting for briefing to start - when I get my first comment from young Katrina - "Where are the slippers granddad?".

Oh oh, I think - this isn't good.

Next person walks past me - "Warren! You need a pipe and a rocking chair".

Oh oh daddio. 

This cutting edge, state of the art banter goes on all day long. [And Tuesday. And Wednesday. And Thursday. And Friday - even Friday night during after school drinks!]. 

The only bright spot during the day was young Toni asking me if I was wearing my target pants. YES - I WAS!!!!! (you'll need to go back to the gluten free post to understand this reference to target pants).

Wounded, bloodied, limping, bent over, with my tail between my legs, I drag myself home on Monday night and tell SWMBO my sorry tale.

She laughs! Tells me to ask the women at school what I should wear!!?!? 

Support? Respect? A consoling shoulder? Ha!

I've now, of course, followed her advice and consulted our style guru on the staff, young Ange, for some tips. She's thoughtfully provided me with a range of websites to check out, thanks Ange!

Now I'm ready to get back on that (clothes) horse and make a more suitable purchase. The Wozzashank Redemption, I hope.

Watch this space for how I get on. Will it pass the Woodford House fashionistas??

Love and peace - Wozza

I'm like a one eyed cat peepin' in a seafood store (Big Joe Turner)

Okay - confession time - I've always considered the Gluten Free aisles of the food market to be the ones the trendy poseurs go for.

I've built up a stereotype in my teeny tiny brain of the tree hugging mung bean brigade making up the clientele for the Gluten Free products.

Wrong wrong wrong!

Such ignorance!! Unbelievable!!

They aren't alternative types looking for a healthy option. Gluten (and the removal of it) doesn't work like that.

What is Gluten anyway? Well children: Gluten is a protein found in grains such as wheat, barley, rye and triticale (a cross between wheat and rye apparently).

Why do I know this and why is it confession time?

Because I have joined the ranks of the Gluten Free. Not because I've been diagnosed with celiac disease but because I wanted to see if I have a non-celiac gluten sensitivity/ intolerance to Gluten (means I feel bloated after eating 'normal' meals which over time has increased my weight into 12 stone territory for the first time - scary). 

This has been going on for years. SWMBO knows this. She has told me about this stuff. Before. Apparently.

Why have I finally listened to her? Well, you see, I have a pair of trousers that I would love to get into again. I bought them while I was working in the Middle East. I was thinner then because of the diet there (mainly caused by the heat - I didn't have big meals but ate dates and Arabic coffee on a daily basis).

The me I want to be

Anyway since returning from the sandpit in 2012 I haven't been able to get near them (the trousers? Yes the trousers). I try them on from time to time but denial takes over. Like a David Crosby style crack addict who needs to bottom out completely before they change their ways, it's taken me a while to realize that - der - something must change for me to get into that pair of trousers.

It's been three weeks so far and so early days but I feel better already. I have GF cereal for breakfast, a GF lunch at school (Woodford House caters for all sorts) and I've been trying to keep to as much of a GF evening meal as I can. I'm avoiding things I love - potato chips, fish and chips, chocolate and sugary drinks as much as I can.

Here's a list of stuff that doesn't contain that nasty protein:

• Beans, seeds, nuts in their natural, unprocessed form
• Fresh eggs
• Fresh meats, fish and poultry (not breaded, batter-coated or marinated)
• Fruits and vegetables
• Most dairy products

Other stuff I'm aiming to avoid:

• Barley (malt, malt flavoring and malt vinegar are usually made from barley)
• Rye
• Triticale (a cross between wheat and rye)
• Wheat

Wish me luck and look forward to seeing me in that pair of trousers soon! I tried them on this morning and - yes - progress has been made!

Love and peace - Wozza