Tuesday, April 10, 2018

How I pray, yes I pray that I won't get lost or go astray (George Harrison)

Inner layers - spiritual values, deep fears, hopes, goals, fantasies, secrets and so on. 

Gulp. And, deep breath.

That picture was taken by Jacky as I braved the terrors of the London Eye. For some reason I'm okay on roller coasters, but I resisted this activity when we lived in the UK for good reason - I hate roller skates, gondolas, Ferris Wheels, bungee jumps, skateboards, sky diving...(I realise there are elements of abdicating control linking these non-pursuits).

When she asked this time, though, I felt some empathy for her needs and thought, okay, I'll do it for her. After all, how bad can it be? Sure. 

And that picture is the result (I'm holding the seat for a reason). Look at my eyes. Enough said.

Deep fears. We all have them. Yes, even me. I'm a nervous flyer, that's my big one. My deep fear: I don't want to die in an air disaster.

I get through it by keeping an eye on the prize. I get through it by meditating and medicating.  

Spiritual values. This has been a tricky topic over my 60 years. After an upbringing involving baptism, Sunday School and a confirmation in the Anglican church, my faith was tested by my mother's death. I struggled for many years to reconcile that with a God who loves me.

Then, 26 years later, my dad died and my faith was restored. Does that strike you as odd? There were just too many signs that He was working in a mysterious way and I 'saw' my parents reunited. That was intensely beautiful, and way beyond my understanding.

Since then I have enjoyed the spiritual world via Woodford House's chapel services and taken a very emotional communion in Westminster Abbey. Buddhist philosophies interest me and sustain me. When we lived in the Middle East, watching true Muslims living the Koran also gave me hope. Which leans nicely into...

Hopes and goals - these centre around living as fulfilling a life as possible. I need constant challenges in my working life and this drives my ambitions - to live different places (my love for English life is well known), to live deliberately, in the moment, not worrying about where my maple leaf will fall. I want to front only the essential facts of life. I do not wish to live what is not life, living is so dear.  I want to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.

Fantasies and secrets - given those hopes and dreams, I really don't have fantasies. Sorry. I had them when I was a preteen, but then teenage boy fog, married life, fatherhood, and empty nest syndrome stepped in. Reality! What a concept (to quote Robin Williams).

Secrets? Of course we all have these and they have to remain intact. If I revealed any here they would cease being secrets, wouldn't they.

Secrets have nothing to do with my brand, while an argument could be (stuffed and) mounted that the rest of the inner Wozza, does indeed, add a considerable amount. 

I'll leave you to connect the dots.

Next (and, phew, last) - core personality - my essential self.

Love and peace - Warren

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