I want you to rock me baby, like my back ain't got no bones (B B King)

This one's about mobile phones, smart phones and my Nokia.

I'm not a fan of mobile phones. I'm suspicious of smart phones. I have a Nokia.

I am aware that this fact instantly stigmatises me. No one these days has a Nokia (okay, I exaggerate - me, Awesome Greg and a guy in Helsinki - that's it).

I'm not proud of it: I shrink with embarrassment if I get a call from SWMBO in a shopping mall.

But there are reasons why I maintain the Nokia.

My Nokia is the phone Cognition gave me to use in the UAE when I worked for them from 2010 to 2012.

Of course it's a piece of crap but it's done me well up to now. Although the keyboard is small and the display is hard to see if it's daytime, the battery lasts all week, I can receive calls on it, I can text on it and it is idiot proof. Just.

I have a problem with mobile phones per se. They tie us down - SWMBO gets upset with my lack of availability (I won't take it to class) but I know they are a necessary evil in the 21st Century.

Smart phones worry me - they are basically  a scam perpetrated on us by big business (The Man is sticking it to us!). Telecommunication companies throughout the world are coining it and I don't have any hankering to add to their coffers.

I also worry about all the functions smart phones have, my ignorance means they can syphon money off like crazy like car mechanics. I also worry that I'll never understand them. As far as I can see- all the bells and whistles mean there are more things that can go wrong.

Remember- I'm Mr Less-Is-More.

But...still...but still.. the lure of checking my vitals (football scores, Twitter feeds, the cool apps to monitor your health) remains in the dim middle distance: a shimmery mirage haze that beckons me to walk zombie style towards it.

And the fact that I'm rapidly getting left behind concerns me. I am a long way from an early adapter to phone technology but, ironically, I do love gadgets.

After she upgraded, Jade gave me her old Sony Xperia. It's been sitting on the desk at home for a few days. I know that there is no turning back once I swap SIM cards and start paying money for data.

But there it is again - hark - Karl Pilkington's words are ringing in my ears as I think about the impending transition: "We've invented most of the stuff that we need and now we're just messing about" 

Hmmmmmm.

Love and peace - Wozza

Hey you! Don't help them to bury the light (Pink Floyd)

Media watch: Recently, I've had a blast on Twitter finding my favourite media personalities and places. It's made me especially media conscious of late so here's a brief run down on what I'm reading, listening to, and watching.

Words: I'm in between Mojos (new one must be close) so I've been reading a heap of things at once: 

I'm enjoying Malcolm Gladwell's David and Goliath book. It's subtitled Underdogs, misfits and the art of battling giants. Gladwell's style of writing is very conversational, which makes it easy to pick up from time to time.

Karl Pilkington's The Meaning Of Life was a present from Jade for Father's Day. He's weird man and he's a weird man but he makes disturbing sense disturbingly regularly - "They say having kids is a life changing experience but so is losing a leg". WHAAT???

If you read my Baggy Trousers blog http://baggytrewsers.blogspot.co.nz/
then you already know I'm hooked on Velocity by Ahmed/Olander - it's a m a z i n g! I'm rereading it before giving it to a friend to read.

Finally - I've started reading Dr Ian Hunter's Imagine (what Wedgwood, Da Vinci, Mozart, Eiffel, Disney and many others can teach us about innovation). The doctor is a recent acquaintance- he gave me a copy of his book when I saw him recently- much appreciated Ian!
 
Sounds: As you all know I can't live without music. Currently I've been listening to a pile of new CDs - Steven Wilson, Pineapple Thief, Jack White, Dungen, Anathema, Mastodon, Shearwater, Opeth, Ray LaMontagne, Jake Bugg and some old Pink Floyd albums.

If you read my music blog http://googoogarjoob.blogspot.co.nz/ you also know that I'm working my way through my singles collection - currently up to Wilson Pickett.

Views: I've had a yearning to watch Samuel L Jackson movies of late so Snakes On A Plane (a terrific film), Shaft, Coach Carter and others. TV series - The Mentalist season five has just been completed and as regular readers know I'm working my way through Seinfeld again - up to season 7 now. It IS the greatest sitcom ever!

Love and peace - Wozza
 

Behind every great man is a women rolling her eyes (Jim Carrey)

Weddings smeddings.

Recently, we had a visit to the Red Phoenix Farm from Adam and Ashleigh. Jade also popped in for a few days.

Adam/Ashleigh are considering their marriage plans at the moment and considering their needs as well as the needs of their families.

It's tough trying to satisfy a diverse range of people. I offer the sage words of Karl Pilkington as the definitive word on marriage.

According to Karl, in his book The Moaning Of Life which Jade gave me for Father's Day, "if two people want to get married , they should just get on with it. Why all the palaver?" 

Wedding cakes sum up the whole wedding situation for Karl - over the top, unnecessarily complicated, no one really enjoys it, and it's sickly sweet.

The man makes a lot of sense.

Something that doesn't make sense for me right now is the reaction to the death of Joan Molinsky (better known by her stage name - Joan Rivers). 

Why all the emotion surrounding it?  

I never liked her style of bitchy, abrasive, satirical comedy; making fun of the Holocaust is never a good idea.

She once said to me, "You can tune me out, Wozza, you can click me off, it's OK." So I did! 

Of much more interest to me is the start of the new NFL season. Go Steelers! Go 49ers!

Love and peace - Wozza

Why didn't evolution make a giraffe good at carpentry so it could build a ladder? (Karl Pilkington)

A brief break from the  football - the early mornings are taking their toll on me but it's worth it - it's only every four years remember!.

Karl Pilkington has made a return to our screens in An Idiot Abroad series 3. This time Ricky sends him off with a little helper - the actor Warwick Davis with dwarfism.

Karl and Warwick travel the Marco Polo route and it was originally broadcast as a three part Christmas special in 2012 but I haven't seen it before.

It's hilarious! Karl is a whinging pom to beat all whinging poms but he has some great ideas.

Adam sent me a couple that have been made into motivational posters. Here's my pick!

Love and peace - Wozzinho

You're an idiot babe (Blind Boy Grunt)

I'm currently watching hilarious episodes of An Idiot Abroad.

It is a TV show from the fevered minds of Ricky Jervais, Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington. The idea - send Karl off to see the seven new wonders of the world and just film his trials and tribulations (which are often set up by Jervais/Merchant). Simple huh! Genius more like.

Karl Pilkington is a terrific entertainer and he has an interesting take on the world but he's an idiot alright.

A taxi driver in Mexico chats to Karl about Karl's girlfriend (the long suffering Suzanne). He asks Karl if she has a nice body. Karl says, "She used to have".

What an idiot!!!!

So much so that it got me wondering whether Suzanne actually exists. In this interweb world it is certainly weird that there doesn't appear to be any conclusive picture of her anywhere (a cartoon one doesn't count!). I'm pretty sure, therefore, that she's an imaginary comic foil device.

For instance in the show I've just watched with Karl in Mexico he supposedly takes a call from Suzanne just as he is marvelling at the wonder of Chichen Itza. She wants Karl to tell her how to operate the DVD!! Great comic moment!

Anyway the show is hilarious because Karl is such a fish out of water. Here's a teaser.

At some point, somethin' has had it away with a leaf * (Karl Pilkington)

* Karl's explanation of an insect which has evolved to look like a leaf to protect itself from prey.

I have delved into the Wozza library again after reading the slew of recent music magazines bought a few weekends ago (Mojo, Uncut, and The Word). Each month we head to the Dubai Mall for haircuts and I get to stock up on the monthly music magazines at the same time.

As is fairly obvious I am reading a book by Karl Pilkington at the moment called Happyslapped by a jellyfish. Karl is the comic who works with Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant. He's become a big hit in the podcast world with them via his deadpan delivery. And he writes books!!

Happyslapped...is a run down of Karl's holidays over the years. He also includes some drawings and some of his poetry. Funny? I laughed until I stopped.

Here is his genius poem about jellyfish:

I don't like jellyfish, they're not a fish, they're just a blob.
They don't have eyes, fins or scales like a cod.
They float about blind, stinging people in the seas.
And no one eats jellyfish with chips and mushy peas.
Get rid of 'em.

Love and peace - Wozza