Wie geht's?
The final edition of my self-assessment series is a response to the existential question - who are you, really?
The simplest, most profound, and hardest to answer question of all.
A while ago, my eldest son asked me this very question. At the time it kind of broadsided me, and then resulted in some ongoing deep level consideration of my core being.
Like Uncle Walt and everyone else, I contain multitudes, and like Bob, I'm a man of contradictions.
Blithely, I could fob myself off with my usual WYSIWYG response but I sense that will not satisfy my needs.
Since 2008, the blogosphere has read and studied me via my blog entries but I obviously self-censor these things as a matter of self-preservation. My students are among those who love to read my musing after all.
So, by necessity, I need to tip toe through this answer, while remaining true to myself, and you, dear reader.
The problem is - which me do I consider? Young me, early fatherhood me, middle aged me, or me now? Like all of us, I have physically changed, grown up, developed my thinking, experienced a wealth of things, failed lots, been shit canned, gone sideways, backwards and promoted many times.
The answer is obvious - I talk about the current me - the be-here-now me.
Enough preamble; here goes:
At my core I have key values that I hold myself accountable to; the key one being integrity. This is a value often used in schools in a superficial way, but I hold myself to account a lot - on a daily, hourly basis (yes - teaching is a great testing ground for what is right and wrong). Teaching involves hundreds of micro decisions a day. Integrity is key.
A Year 13 student this morning (as I type this) asked me if she could go and make some toast in the Year 13 common room - she was hungry. I was pleased she asked and she understood when I said - sorry, no. But she wasn't done. She reminded me that I have a thing called Milo Friday where the class can grab a milo and come back for a more relaxed end of the week class. This isn't Friday though, and even then toast isn't on the menu. Eating in class, as a school rule, is a no no, which she knows, so she countered with, I could eat it outside the classroom. Again, sorry - no.
That ended the 'discussion' which involved me considering my own Pirate Code. The first 'guideline' being - Do the right thing, now. If I'd said, yes - go ahead, make some toast, I would have opened a portal to future pain and I would consciously have gone against the spirit of the school rule. Nuances. The right thing to do was to say again, sorry - no.
Consistency is important to me and sometimes it can be testing. What you do for one you do for all was a motto at my last school. Much earlier, my father had instilled that idea/ model in me and that informed how I treated our four children. Did/do I always get it right? Probably not, but that was the aim.
Another aim was/is not to be hypercritical. I don't think getting drunk is a good idea (I've never been drunk). I don't think smoking is a good idea (I've never smoked anything). I don't think tattoos are a good idea (I'm the only person in my family without one). If other people choose to do those things that's nothing to do with me - it's just not for me (we can only exercise control over ourselves).
That all probably makes me sound conservative and boring and narrow minded. Sure, at times I am guilty as charged. At others I can be liberal, daring in pursuit of goals, and open minded - they also go towards the real me. I'm a man of contradictions.
What influences the other multitudes also makes me unique. Things like: my Anglican faith (I was baptised and confirmed in the Anglican church); my interest in sport, literature, quotes, and mass media (music, film, blogging); experiences from living in different countries (China, Qatar, the UAE, England, New Zealand); being a Kiwi; my philosophical perspectives - a melting pot of faiths/ideas from Buddhism, stoicism, Christianity; my relationships with friends and family (I am thankful for all of them); my memories; my lack of an existential crisis (I know who I am and what I stand for); and my purpose in life (I am very clear on that as readers of Baggy Trousers can appreciate).
That will do it for now. I know I have more to say on this topic. This is not the definitive word. I remain a work in progress. I wrote an autobiography in my thirties and updated it for my blog a few years ago. I'm not done yet.
Love and peace - WNP
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